Your story as it could be
In Part One you excavated your story as it is. In Part Two you’ll dig deeper, looking both further back and further forward into your story. You’ll wrestle with who you’re meant to be and what kind of legacy you want to leave with your life.
Whether you consciously realize it or not, you’ve already been encouraged to live a particular story. It goes something like this—
Having been born in a great land of opportunity, we have a birthright that includes the rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, and the expectation that we can and should do better than our parents did. Practically speaking this means having fun, getting a good education, trying out lots of extracurricular activities, getting a good job, working hard, having a successful career, being a good citizen, falling in love, having a nice house with a white picket fence, two kids and a dog, retiring early to enjoy our golden years, and of course, living happily ever after. The conflicts that threaten this story include terrorism, the difficulty of making ends meet, getting laid off because of a bad economy, contracting a serious illness, or suffering broken relationships. The keys to overcoming these conflicts and make this story work are money, position, possessions, protection, leisure and romance.
The problem with this story isn’t necessarily in its specifics, it’s in its orientation. It’s about “me” or “my family” or “my friends and I.” If that’s as far as we take it, there’s really nothing special about our stories. Consider a boy with a talent for sales, who started out with nothing but a lemonade stand on a street corner on the wrong side of town. He spends his adult life building a lemonade empire that ensures his financial security and his family’s for generations to come. He uses his gifts and experience to protect and accumulate and enhance his empire. He lives on the right side of town now. Occasionally he considers others outside the scope of his story, such as the people he grew up with, but always peripherally to his primary focus—looking out for “Number One.”
The trouble with looking out for “Number One” is that it places us in opposition to everyone else, especially people who get in our way, which often means people who aren’t like us. It’s “Us” against “Them,” an opposition written all over the torn and bloodied past and present of humanity.
Yet the reality is that we need each other. Some of us need help simply to survive the life-sapping effects of poverty, oppression or disease, while others of us need to help in order to avoid the life-sapping effects of narcissism, materialism and consumerism.
What we need, and what this story we breathe needs, is a new perspective.
“[True vocation] is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” (Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking)
This is the part of “Listen to Your Story” where your story as it is and the vision of Sharing Their Story intersect. This is where you face “the world’s deep hunger” through your own story, and where, perhaps for the first time, you name your “deep gladness.”
Who you were, who you are
“Who we are is who we were.” (John Quincy Adams, played by Anthony Hopkins, in Amistad)
One of the deep truths of our genesis as human beings is that we are all “created equal.” This essential equality applies not only to our rights, which as we mentioned above is what we in the West typically focus on, but also to our responsibility as human beings. We’ve summarized this elsewhere as our calling “to tend and steward and care for each other and God’s good Creation.”
This is the context for the story of humanity and for our own stories in the 21st century. In fact, it redefines our desire, our idea, our plot, our character and our conflict. A “rags-to-riches” protagonist who forgets his past and his rag-clad friends and lives only to enjoy his wealth is not living a good story even though his story might technically meet the basic definition of a story. If we truly aspire to live good and true stories with our lives, we must use well our calling and capacity to shape the world around us. We must think of ourselves not as a character in a story, but as a character in the story. True vocation is the pathway on which our individual stories and the story of wholeness meet.
As well as you can determine, as the central character of your story, why are you here? What specific purpose does your character serve in the wider scope of the story?
As you go through “Your story as it could be,” keep in mind your answer to and reflections on The Miller Question:
“If two filmmakers looked at your life as it currently is, would they find enough material for a good script? Why or why not? Would they conclude your life is too boring or uninteresting? Why or why not?”
Once again, we’re not suggesting we should all aspire to fame or fortune, or even that living a boring or uninteresting life is inherently bad. (After all, “boring” and “uninteresting” mean different things to different people.) We are, however, challenging ourselves and people like us to “live a truly good story,” instead of settling for a lesser story even though it might be more familiar, convenient, popular or comfortable.
One pitfall we inevitably encounter, even if we choose to live a truly good story, is living someone else’s story with our lives—whether a fictional hero’s or heroine’s (such as Jack Bauer in 24 or Bella Swan in Twilight) or a real-life icon’s (such as Mother Teresa or Nelson Mandela). As educator Parker Palmer wrote of his own vocational awakening in Let Your Life Speak, “I had started to understand that it is indeed possible to live a life other than one’s own. Fearful that I was doing just that — but uncertain about the deeper, truer life I sensed hidden in me, uncertain whether it was real or trustworthy or within reach — I would snap awake in the middle of the night…” For Palmer, to “let your life speak” means: “Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent.”
Your character
You introduced yourself to yourself as you are in Part One. Review your answers (and your group’s answers) so they’re fresh in your mind and heart. Now introduce yourself to yourself as you could be. Your main task here is to keep an open mind.
What does your life intend to do with you? What does it keep bringing you back to? Why? What does your life tell you about what “truths” you embody and what “values” you represent? What could you not change about yourself and your life even if you wanted to?
You can’t change your past, but if you had complete license to re-write your character’s current reality (your current perception of your past and your current way of life), what would you change?
When you think of living a story in which the needs of other people play a prominent role, how does that make you feel? When you think about the world’s deep hunger, what people (widows, orphans, etc.), problems (poverty, human trafficking, etc.) or places (the inner city, Sub-Saharan Africa, etc.) most capture your attention, sympathy and empathy?
How do you generally think about, feel about and approach people who are different than you, who might smell or think differently than you do?
Are you currently using your gifts, strengths and special abilities? If so, how? How could you use what makes you special to help others? How might your personality uniquely enable you to help others? Brainstorm without eliminating any possibilities.
Your desire
To consider your story as it could be, evaluate what you’re living for, reaching for and dreaming about by thinking a little differently about how your life could look. Your main task here is to keep an open mind.
When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Why?
Up to this point, who has made the biggest difference in your life? How did they do it? Why did it matter to you?
What’s the most inspirational story you’ve heard in the last year? What about it inspires you?
Who were your heroes as a kid? Who did you look up to? Why? What is it that made them so attractive to you? What did they care about that you care about, too?
Who are your heroes now? Why? What makes them so admirable? What do they care about that you care about?
What have you always been good at? Think through things you always find yourself doing, your favorite subjects in school, the things you’re most proud of. How could you use what you’re good at to write yourself into a new and different story? How could you help satisfy the world’s deep hunger in relation to the particular people, problem or place that captures your attention?
Our friend Leah always loved kids, but she never considered helping to start an orphanage until she saw the plight of a group of orphans in Uganda. What have you always loved, ever since you were a kid? What have you seen or experienced that changed the way you look at the world?
What about the reality of the world you live in makes you angry? What makes you cry? What makes you smile? When was the last time you shouted for joy or yelled in triumph?
Is what you’ve wanted or dreamed about accomplishing in life worthy of a true “calling of service”? Why or why not? How might your dream change in light of the needs of others?
Fill in the blank, “My greatest passion in life is_______________________.” What makes you come alive? Why? If nothing comes to mind spend some time considering what your passion might be.
When was the last time you were enjoying yourself so much that you lost track of time?
What would you do if you had unlimited time, permission and resources? What about your story would be different in the future? What would change in your way of looking at the world? In your daily, weekly, monthly or annual routine? What would you change about the world as it is?
In the 1981 movie Chariots of Fire, Scottish Olympic gold medalist Eric Liddell says, “…when I run, I feel [God's] pleasure.” Buechner might refer to this “pleasure” as “deep gladness.” What is your deep gladness? When have you “felt” it?
Your idea
This is the reason (or at least one of the big reasons) you do what you do and live like you live. Now that you’re considering what your life could be, it’s time to take another look at your big idea. Your task here is to keep an open mind.
What is the big idea of your life as it is? Is it worthy of a truly good story? If not, why not? How could it change to accommodate a story more worth living?
What’s missing in your life?
What new idea could help you move from just surviving or getting by to truly living out your passion?
How would the trajectory of your life change if you started living according to a different idea?
What kind of impact do you still want to have on the world around you in 50 years?
The famous megalithic landmark Stonehenge was designed and constructed over more than a millennium. According to Jean-Pierre Mohen in The World of Megaliths, its “…use of more and more massive blocks of stone, and the intricacy of their deployment, reflected the defiance of the builders, in the face of the material, its weight and their intention to create permanent monuments.” What will your lasting monument be? What monument from your life will still be “standing” long after you are gone?”
Your plot
You’ve already traced what’s happened in your life: to you, around you, because of you, in spite of you. Now trace the “arc” your story could take. Your task here is to envision.
Review each stage of your life (birth, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, adulthood, middle age, retirement) from your timeline in Part One. Answer the following questions:
What, if any, patterns did you identify in your life?
What has remained true about you through all the stages of your story?
Our friend Dave makes his living as an airline pilot, but he lives to build things and help people. Thanks to his ability to travel cheaply, he helps people around the world gain access to clean water and sanitation. How could you use or redirect your current resources to do what you love and help people in need at the same time? Where do you detect hints of a “calling of service” in your life?
What part could your painful past play in the future chapters of your story? How could you help others from experiencing that same pain?
What part could your positive, memorable past play in the future chapters of your story? How could you help others experience that same feeling or fulfillment?
What are the three or four most significant experiences of your life as they could relate to your “calling”? If you begin to live out your calling of service what could be three or four of the most significant experiences in the future?
Your conflict
This is what could give your new story its power and appeal. Your main task here is to envision honestly.
What are five reasons why living out a calling of service could be difficult for you? If you live out a calling of service, what might happen to you?
What new kinds of conflict might you encounter if you began to live out your special calling of service? How might your life change? How might your relationships change? What might be your biggest threat to living out your calling?
If you decide not to explore your calling of service what will happen to the people you could have tried to help?
Summarize your story as it could be
Remember, writing your story as it could be is an always unfolding, always provisional process. It’s a journey, not a destination. Having said that, keeping in mind your answers to the questions in Parts One and Two, write/draw/dictate a synopsis of your story. (Or represent your story with photographs, keepsakes, or video or movie clips.) Just as in Part One, refer to yourself in the third person (he/she/we) to make it seem more like a traditional story. Have your group go through Part Two on your behalf, as well, answering all the questions with you in mind. Get their take on your story as it could be.
After reviewing your answers in Part Two, how would you summarize the story of your life as it could be?
The Miller Question revisited
Now revisit the Miller Question in light of what your story could be:
If two filmmakers looked at your life as it could be, would they find enough material for a good script? Why or why not? Compare your answer here to your answer to this question in Part One.
Now that you’ve considered “Your Story As It Is” (Part One) and “Your Story As It Could Be” (Part Two), it’s time to consider “Your Story From Here” (Part Three), which focuses on practical ways you might explore the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep needs meet.
Click HERE to move on to Part Three of “Listen to Your Story.”
